Download E-books The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes: Over 10000 Gems of Wit and Wisdom, One-liners and Wisecracks (Mammoth Books) PDF

With over 10,000 entries, prepared by way of subject and completely listed, here's a substantial new selection of witticisms and wisecracks for the twenty first century. if you are searching for a bon mot for an after-dinner speak, suffering to place the completing touches to a marriage speech or simply are looking to cheer your self and your folks up, this awesome fats publication offers all you will ever want. Entries diversity from insults, put-downs, gags and one-liners to homespun philosophy, witty proverbs, motion picture prices and graffiti. one of the members featured are Woody Allen, Dave Barry, P. J. O'Rourke, Winston Churchill, Will Rogers, Jay Leno, P. G. Wodehouse, invoice Cosby, W. C. Fields, Oscar Wilde, Spike Milligan, Groucho Marx, George Bernard Shaw and plenty of extra. by no means be caught for a very good line back! 'Always learn anything that may make you glance strong in case you die in the course of it.' P. J. O'Rourke 'I'm convinced intercourse would not be as profitable as profitable the area Cup. it is not that intercourse is not reliable, however the global Cup is each 4 years and intercourse is not.' Ronaldo

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RAY DAVIES by no means visit mattress mad. stay awake and struggle. PHYLLIS DILLER Don’t do medications, don’t have unprotected intercourse, don’t be violent. depart that to me. EMINEM by no means, ever visit mattress with a guy at the first date. in no way. until you actually need to. CYNTHIA HEIMEL constantly inform the reality. you can also make a gap in a single while you’re on my own at the golfing direction. FRANKLIN P. JONES recommendation is what we ask for once we already be aware of the reply yet want we didn’t. ERICA JONG be cautious to not do your stable deeds while there’s nobody staring at you. TOM LEHRER in case you have acquired an elephant via the hind leg and he's attempting to run away, it’s top to permit him run. ABRAHAM LINCOLN by no means take realize of nameless letters, until you get a couple of thousand at the comparable topic. ROBERT MENZIES deal with a whore like a woman and a woman like a whore. WILSON MIZNER Don’t smoke an excessive amount of, drink an excessive amount of, consume an excessive amount of or paintings an excessive amount of. We’re all at the street to the grave, yet there’s little need to be within the passing lane. ROBERT ORBEN My mom gave me this recommendation: belief your husband, adore your husband and get up to you could on your personal identify. JOAN RIVERS dwell quick, die younger, and depart a handsome corpse. NICK ROMANO (JOHN DEREK), Knock On Any Door communicate softly and hold an incredible stick: you are going to move some distance. THEODORE ROOSEVELT by no means make investments your cash in something that eats or wishes repairing. BILLY ROSE i would like to percentage whatever with you: the 3 little sentences that would get you thru existence. #1: conceal for me. quantity 2: Oh, stable concept, boss. quantity three: It used to be like that once I came. HOMER SIMPSON, The Simpsons watch out for all companies that require new outfits. HENRY DAVID THOREAU in case you can’t persuade them, confuse them. HARRY S. TRUMAN continually be honest, no matter if you don’t suggest it. HARRY S. TRUMAN i've got came upon that how you can provide recommendation on your young children is to determine what they need after which recommend them to do it. HARRY S. TRUMAN consistently recognize a fault. it will throw these in authority off their safeguard and provides you a chance to dedicate extra. MARK TWAIN by no means have childrens, simply grandchildren. GORE VIDAL, Sisters If you’ve acquired them through the balls, their hearts and minds will stick to. JOHN WAYNE Don’t provide a lady recommendation; one shouldn't ever provide a lady whatever she can’t put on within the night. OSCAR WILDE do not forget that no one will ever get sooner than you so long as he's kicking you within the seat of the pants. WALTER WINCHELL My grandfather loves to provide me recommendation, yet he’s a bit forgetful. in the future, he took me apart and left me there. STEVEN WRIGHT suggestion after mischief is like medication after demise. DANISH PROVERB how you can retailer face is to maintain the decrease part close. continuously use tasteful phrases. you will have to consume them. think not anything until eventually it's been formally denied. by no means placed either toes on your mouth whilst, simply because then you definately won’t have a leg to face on. by no means hit a guy with glasses. Hit him with anything higher and heavier. by no means offend individuals with kind if you can offend them with substance.

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